Forgotten but not gone, Part 2.
Today let us ponder that realm of the Massachusetts hackerama where the parachutes they’re passing out aren’t golden, they’re platinum.
I refer of course to what is laughingly called “higher education,” higher because the pay is ever spiraling upwards, and behind all those $300,000 salaries comes the pension.
It used to be that every wannabe dreamed of getting a job at a local courthouse, most of which have about as much activity as an abandoned warehouse. State judges “work” a maximum of 35 weeks a year, for $207,855 a year.
But then some payroll-patriot pioneer realized that colleges were an even easier grift to work, or more precisely, not work. Compared to a state “college,” courthouses are veritable sweatshops. Occasionally, if only rarely, something might happen at a local courthouse.
At a Massachusetts college, never.
The pioneers in the higher-ed hackapalooza are gone now, to that great St. Patrick’s Day Breakfast in the sky — Maurice Donahue, Nancy Harrington, David Bartley, etc.
But they set the pace for others to follow in sloth and leisure. ZooMass coat holders now grab the top 10 pensions in the hackerama — all over $250,000 a year — and 18 of the top 19.
In the hackerama, by their diminutives ye shall know them. The longer the title, the lighter the work load. Just ask John Quinn of ZooMass’ bust-out law school. He is, drum roll please, Assistant Dean of Public Interest Law Programs and External Relations.
He makes $259,527 a year, as a reward for losing the Bristol County sheriff’s fight in 2010. Previously he was a state rep for 18 years. Talk about impeccable credentials!
Quinn’s overall pay, according to the state comptroller, has gone from $218,000 in 2021, to $237,000 in 2022, to $248,500 in 2023 to $265,000 last year.
And behind that, to repeat, comes the pension…
But higher ed payrolls and pensions are so out of control that now they often don’t even bother to give themselves preposterously inflated job descriptions before chowing down at the public trough.
Take Amy Glynn, of ZooMass — $155,308.08 a year pension. She’s listed as a retired “staff associate.”
Think about that. At ZooMass a “staff associate” goes out with a kiss of $155K.
There’s also a retired “staff administrator” at UMass named John McCarthy — $292,755.16 a year. Another “staff administrator” named John Hird scrapes by on $214,887.36.
At UMass-Lowell a party named Donald Pierson is pocketing $178,908.96 a year for being a retired “special assistant.”
He must be very special indeed, to be grabbing that much dough as an ex-assistant.
Back in the Seventies, the old-timers always used to tell us kids that if we knew what was good for us, we’d find some pol to hold signs for. Then if he won, the pol might get us no-heavy-lifting jobs (as opposed to work) “on the city” or “on the state” or, back then, “on the county.”
If worst came to worst, you might have to settle for going “on the Edison” (because of course, sometimes at the electric company you did have to do something, unlike everywhere else).
But why didn’t Uncle Fitzie or Buddy ever tell us about all these phony-baloney state college jobs?
Because colleges are the easiest con of all. Even judges have to show up occasionally. At colleges, you fill out your own time cards, no questions asked.
Consider Dana Mohler-Faria, retired president of Bridgewater State University (formerly a college, until the hacks realized they could give themselves even more pay raises if they renamed themselves universities).
Retired in 2015, Mohler-Faria has been grabbing $187,190.76 a year. But wait, there’s more. When he checked out, he pocketed an additional $269,984 for what was described as unused vacation and personal time.
He also tried to put in for another $100,000 a year for “consulting,” but that was too much even for a world-class institution like Bridgewater State.
Two years later, Daniel Asquino cashed in his chips as president of the even more renowned Mount Wachusett Community College — $176,580.72 a year since 2017.
And Asquino claimed $334,138 in, ahem, unused vacation and personal time.
Down in Dartmouth, Quinn isn’t the only erstwhile solon counting the days until he starts grabbing that big kiss in the mail.
Vinny Pedone was a state rep in Worcester before it became the Transgender Capital of the world. He was never a member of the State House Mensa Caucus, if you get my drift.
But at age 45, after what was actually described as a “nationwide search,” he was interred at the “Council of Presidents” of the state colleges, er, universities.
Pedone makes $250,395 a year, and he’s still only 57. Can’t wait to see how much “unused” vacation Pedone claims when he checks out.
Vinny deMacedo was the most recent GOP state senator from Plymouth. I’m sure he made a decent living running his gas station. But the problem with a gas station is that it requires you to, you’ll pardon the expression, work.
Now Vinny is “assistant to the president” of Bridgewater State, for $185,485 a year.
So many hacks, so little space. Joan Menard and Andrew Scibelli, this is your lucky day.
There’s a perhaps apocryphal story about the late David Constantine, longtime governor’s councilor from Bristol County. A Democrat, in 1998 he endorsed Republican Paul Cellucci for governor.
That made him persona non grata with the Democrat hacks in Fall River, but Cellucci did the right thing. He gave the longtime oral surgeon a brand-new made-up job as “director of health education” for the state colleges.
As part of the gag, Constantine was given an office at one of the schools. Constantine was making one of his exceedingly rare visits to his “job” when he noticed with some alarm that a couple of workmen had gathered outside his empty office. They were getting ready to paint his name on the door.
“No no no!” he yelled at them. “No need to put my name on that door, boys. No need whatsoever.”
Hey, Doc Constantine had been at the State House long enough. He knew how to duck.
Finally, a lesson for the youth of Massachusetts that nobody ever gave me, damn it. Kids, forget about all those other hackeramas. Get on the higher-ed gravy train.
Don’t waste that G.E.D. you worked so hard to get. You too can someday be a special assistant somewhere, filling out your time card with a pencil.
Just don’t ever let them paint your name on the office door.
